Struggle building faith

 

Many people who face hardships and struggles in life begin to question or even lose faith in their deities, but for me, this is not the case. When I first found myself a home in Judaism, I had a debilitating spinal issue, fairly bad hearing loss, and was/am legally blind, with 15% vision in one eye. I didn’t pray for anything, not healing, not money, not even for strength, I just prayed, and decided to put everything into Hashem’s hands and not worry about anything.

My spinal issue quite literally healed on its own (yes a miracle, no I’m not kidding), I found a company that makes amazing hearing aids and regained my hearing, but just recently I found out my eye issue is degenerative and I will go blind fully. As with everything I am trusting Hashem and putting everything into his hands (Pray like everything is up to Hashem, act as if everything is up to you) and I will get through this as well.

I, for the first time, prayed for something recently, I prayed for the strength and wisdom for myself and my family to get through this news and whatever may come of it. I am stronger in my knowledge of Hashem and closer in my love of Hashem, not because of my condition, but in spite of it. I still wake up thankful for another day of life, glad to live a life of gratitude instead of one of despair, because another day of life isn’t promised to any of us and is a gift that not everyone receives. 

I don’t have blind faith, I have questions, I wrestle with knowing Hashem, but I know that he’s there, and for that, I am eternally grateful. My struggles and setbacks have only strengthened my faith, understanding, and love of Hashem and Judaism in every way imaginable. 

 

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