I am not converting to Judaism because I found out I’m ethnically Jewish, while that led to it, it is not part and parcel for the reason why. Truthfully, I did not intend to convert, my original intention was to learn about the culture and peoplehood of the Jews, to get in touch with what I am in some meaningful way, but the more I read, the more it referenced Judaism and the more I grew interested. I would read some small bit about Judaism and think to myself, “That’s amazing I didn’t know that,” and after a while of this happening, I needed to learn more about the religious beliefs. I read book after book until finally, I could not in good faith deny myself changing and my beliefs transforming.
A bit of back story is in order…
At age ten I decided I didn’t believe in Christianity and my mother told me to look into other religious beliefs. My family told me Judaism was basically Christianity without Jesus and so I dismissed it entirely and eventually found myself learning about the occult. I was then ordained a Luciferian Priest at 16 years old and took over the Church of Lucifer (an organization with 10k members internationally) at 17. I took Luciferianism online and through me, it became a household name in the 90’s… I’ve given lectures in front of 1.5 million people online twice, taught dozens of Priests, wrote several books and this all changed here in 2021 when I found Judaism.
Now, couple that with my anti-Semitic past as a Nazi and you can see how my entire past ran anti current to my finding Judaism. Yet, here I am, leaving that portion of my life behind me entirely and converting to what I can only describe as a perfect fit for me in Reform Judaism. I don’t hate the occult, I won’t talk ill about it, and in fact, it is because of the occult and my studies in numerous sects thereof, that I have an open mind spiritually and a large part of why I found Judaism through that open mind. I came to understand G-D through a Jewish lens and in doing so, I fell in love with it wholly and without a second thought, that is why I have left the occult and proudly call myself a Jew (ethnically and spiritually) today.
The music during services moves me, to tears sometimes, to utter joy other times and I find the prayers beautiful. Studying Judaism feels less like learning something new and more like being reminded of something I once knew, hence I study hours a day. More than a religion, more than my ethnicity, it is a deeply spiritual and connected culture and shared history nearly 4,000 years old and it rings both beautiful and sacred to me.
I am converting because I want to deepen my relationship with and knowledge of Adonai, and to question my own understandings and theological beliefs. I want to wrestle with G-D, that is to find out how to incorporate various elements of my belief into the realms of logic, reason, science, and elements of life that seem trying. I want my kids to live a moral and holy life and to have this identity and community based around such. I want to enter into the covenant with Adonai and to serve its will all of my days through his 613 Mitzvot (commandments). Judaism doesn’t feel foreign to me, even as I learn Hebrew, it feels as though it’s natural, something I’d forgotten and as a missing aspect of my mind, body, and spirit.
These are some of the reasons why I am converting to Judaism, so why Reform Judaism?
I didn’t enter into this decision lightly, nor in haste, nor out of any form of coercion or outside influence. I studied the main branches of Judaism extensively, Orthodox, Conservative, and Reform, and to a lesser degree reconstructionism, and Universalist Judaism. Reform Judaism jumped out at me over and over again, due to its belief in finding personal meaning through Jewish traditions, religious autonomy, social Justice stance, which to me is the heart of Tikkun Olam (repairing the world), its acceptance of all people, its belief in cold hard science alongside Judaism (balancing the two), and it stressing logic and reason behind its interpretations of Halachah (Jewish law). Reform Judaism asks the all-important question (to me anyway) in, “Does this belief or practice add to the spiritual depth of Judaism, or detract from it? Is that belief or practice valid in our modern era, or antiquated?” and changes accordingly.
Reform Judaism also expands into being pluralistic in its culture, holding fast the Jewish traditions and culture, but adapting to the culture of the diaspora the Jew resides. Most prayers are in both Hebrew and in English in the United States for example and the earliest Reformers in Germany did much the same in German.
It’s for these and many other reasons, that Reform Judaism resonates with me at the very depths of my being and speaks to my soul. I have a wonderful synagogue (The oldest synagogue in the western hemisphere) and amazing Rabbis, atop a congregation of kind, knowledgable, and accepting individuals, I couldn’t ask for anything more!