What if someone…


Since leaving my past, undergoing the conversion process to Judaism, and becoming a pacifist, I get asked a lot of questions, some in interviews like I’ve shown here and many more in interactions with people in day-to-day life. I am sort of a sideshow attraction because of my past and my current life, I went from leading neo-nazi and the face of Luciferianism to a Jew who loves everyone and wouldn’t harm a fly. So people ask me a lot of questions and want to know things… funny enough those things are often “what if,” hypothetical situations.

So, I’ve compiled a small list of those “what-if” questions people ask me and am putting it here rather than answering them repeatedly. 

  • What if someone hits you?

I would forgive them, I would ask them not to do that again and try to empathize with why they are hitting me. Sometimes people have bad days or even bad lives and if I were to hurt them, it would only serve to exasperate their misery. 

  • What if someone from your past said to stop talking out or they’d kill you?

I wouldn’t cease for a moment because I have a lot of atoning to do and want to see everyone love one another, rather than hate. If I die doing the work I do, I know Hashem has got my back and my work to destroy hatred will live on. I would die at peace with myself and my life, as I no longer live in fear of anything or anyone. 

  • What if someone who hurt you in the past said they’re sorry for what they did?

They wouldn’t need to say a thing, I’ve forgiven everyone who hurt me physically and mentally already and love them as brothers and sisters. Just as I hope those I’ve hurt in the past would forgive me, I have forgiven everyone else and have nothing but love for them.

  • What if someone [insert race here] killed someone you love?

I would blame the person, the race of the person means nothing to the individual’s actions themselves… and even though it would hurt me horribly, I would do my best to forgive them.  

  • What if someone tried to hurt another Jew, surely you’d resort to violence to defend them?

Actually no I wouldn’t! As I’ve said I’m no longer a sword against others, but a shield to those I love and if someone was harming or attempting to harm my Jewish brothers and sisters, I would stand in front and protect them, regardless of the cost to myself. I refuse to let another Jew suffer, period! 

  • What if you slipped back into your old ways?

I wouldn’t, upon leaving extremism and having my moments of clarity, I cried a deluge of tears to rival the biblical floods. Once the realizations and truths came to light and I willfully worked to break my past indoctrination, there is no going back. As for religiously, I couldn’t ever, I know Hashem personally, I love him with all of my heart and he has blessed me time and time again. I have felt the love of Adonai and the Jewish people and couldn’t ever falter even a little from his grace, I wouldn’t allow it!

  • What if some people don’t accept that you’ve changed?

I would work to show them I have, just as I have for over eight years now. Some will never accept that people can change and I’m okay with that, extremism is reprehensible and some just don’t believe others can change or come back from that. I know these things and it will not slow me down one iota from actively loving others and combating extremism. 

  • What if someone tried to use you because of your past?

I would let them! My goal isn’t personal fame, money or anything silly like that, it’s helping to combat extremism, and my story, my life helps to do that. I am a testament to how much people can change and if I can help one person to change, to leave a life as I led, it’s mission accomplished to me. If I can save one kid from making my mistakes, I am elated… so let them use me, happily and proudly I welcome it.