When I’d left my past behind me, it took a bit of time and work to fully break the indoctrination which held sway over me. Thanks to Bee I was able to do so and I decided that I didn’t want to cause people to fear me like I’d thrived on in my past and so I decided to change my outward appearance to reflect my inward changes. I’d cut my long hair, removed my piercings, trimmed my beard, and tried to work on my resting “angry face.”
Just recently, as I work on getting in shape, I’ve decided to stop wearing black all of the time, which I wore to honor the many friends and family of mine who are dead. I want the outer me to represent the inner me and while I still have tattoos that I want to be removed, I want people to not be afraid of me or worry that I might be violent in any way. It may be overcompensating for my past, but as a peaceful and caring person, the last thing I want today is for someone to feel unsafe around me.
Over the past five or six years (almost four years out of the movement I dressed the same), I’ve diligently worked to change my appearance, via facial via relaxing techniques and to change my overall external projection of who I am today. Much like everything else since leaving my old life, it wasn’t an overnight thing, it took time, reflection, and genuine work on my part. I like the peaceful me, and I like the new outward reflection of that, which is why I am continuously developing my outer visage to put forth who I truly am today.
No longer will I continue to dress just as I did in high school, no more tee shirts and jeans, today, I’m an adult at peace with myself, with others, and with the world around me.