It has been a very long and violent I’ve lived, and when my life wasn’t violent, it involved instilling fear in others. To be honest, if there is anyone I hate today, it is who I used to be, what I used to be, and only that. I still am a feared individual in some circles, regardless of how much I tell people that I’m not even remotely who I used to be. Today, however, I am found by Hashem, and once I came to love Adonai, I entered into a pact to give up all violence and hurting others in any way imaginable. I didn’t become a pacifist for some moral high ground, I became a pacifist out of love, out of not wanting to hurt anyone ever again. I swore to Hashem to never hurt another being so long as I am alive, regardless if I am being injured or beaten.
I spent a lot of my life hurting others, causing fear in others, and living in fear myself, and now I am freer than I could have ever imagined being. I’d entirely changed how I looked attempting to be less threatening looking to others, I ceased any and all combative training, and I now live fearless and free. Pacifism is a natural progression for me, from who I was to who I am, and to who I want to be in the future. As I said, I am not taking some moral high ground, I understand the necessity of having individuals who can inflict harm to protect others, I am just tired and traumatized by being the violent one. Now I seek only peace… peace in myself, peace for those around me, and peace in all avenues of my life.
I promised this to Adonai and have not felt without since… I swore this to it and have not once felt alone or in want. I have come to know my G-D, not through books, but through my actions, not by words, but through love and I have felt Hashem and know that it is filling my world with love. I have been shot, stabbed, and cut, had bones broken, teeth broken, bled buckets, have a plate in my head, have been made comatose, and today… I can safely say I am free from all of that and my world is that of love for all of Hashem’s creations. Baruch Hashem for peace… Shalom!