This month marks my official 8th anniversary (November 2021) of being free from a life of hatred, fear, disconnection from the tribe of humanity, hurting others, hurting myself, and the slavery of the ideology and brainwashing of Neo-Naziism. I was indoctrinated, my mind enslaved by an ideology of hate and violence. This isn’t hard to fall prey to either, it just started by me looking for some sort of identity to fit into, but over the years, it becomes increasingly difficult to leave.
Eight years ago I officially left that life, left all organizations and affiliations, and entirely cut off every person I had known in it. It all began at age 13, and I left it at age 35… that’s 22 years of constant fear, anger, hatred, indoctrination, ideological study, violence, revisionist racialist history, and pain, both within myself and to those I affected. This is a lot to process for me personally, it was a large portion of my life wasted, decades spent on fighting a false fight, decades of being the villain who believed he held a noble and righteous cause.
I will say this, I’m honestly not sad for the life I had lost, I am more concerned with those I’d affected through my actions and words in the past. Though it sometimes floods my mind, my past ended 8 years ago and a new me was birthed and then relearned in humanity and empathy, and reason. I view this anniversary every year, as a time of reflection and introspection, a time of evaluation, such as “am I doing enough to heal the world and help others?”
So, I celebrate my freedom, my awakening, this year in its 8th anniversary, eight years of learning, growing, and loving my neighbors as I do myself. Eight years ago, I was born into an alien world, so I learned and adapted and turned myself into someone who is a benefit to this world, and I grew into who I am today. So I celebrate.
I don’t celebrate who I was, I celebrate who I am, who I allowed myself to consciously develop into today. I celebrate having the strength to stand anathema to the movement I used to be a part of, combatting it and helping others leave it. I celebrate my stepping out from my comfort zone and the ideologically forced fear, and getting to know all types of people, and listening to many different perspectives.
My life truly began 8 years ago, and so like a birthday, I celebrate this time…