Okay, so this isn’t the normal article I’d write on here, nor something I would share to garner readers or try to make myself out to be something other than blessed. I am writing this article because in several of my older articles I’d mentioned how my back and knees left me literally as an invalid and this is an important update. I have Ankylosing Spondylitis and my knees from years of sports abuse lack much cartilage if you hadn’t read my old posts.
In August I fell in our basement and have been relegated to our upstairs, where our bedroom, bathroom, and office are. I have not been able to clean, play with my kids much, help take care of our house, or do anything else other than sit in front of my computer. I have felt useless, like a burden to those I love, I have even several times over the past months thought some horrid thoughts about ending my life, but wouldn’t want to put my family through that pain.
Yesterday was an odd day for me, I didn’t feel sick but could not stay awake and ended up sleeping all day and night long. I woke up with my body covered in sweat at six o’clock in the morning and sprang from my bed, instantly alert and awake. I soon noticed I didn’t need to walk or stand with the cane I’d been using and for the first time since I was seventeen years old, I had absolutely no pain in my back, it wasn’t even a little stiff.
There was a lot of work to be done in rearranging a bookshelf and cleaning in our upstairs, I wanted to see if I could do it and while my wife took two of our kids to the dentist for a checkup, I did it. I have not been without tears of joy and gratitude in my eyes all day since, I don’t know how, or why, other than I had several Rabbis including Rabbi Eli (My rabbi overseeing my conversion at Rodeph Shalom) praying for me and I have been praying almost nonstop (though not for anything, just in reverence or for my mother). Don’t get me wrong, my spine is still curved from my vertebrae fusing together, but it’s painless and I was able to lift a steel and wood shelf that’s 7 feet tall and carry it about 20 feet, by myself and with zero pain.
Sam my wife said to me, “this is a miracle,” and I truly believe it is, but why me, there are so many people without a past like I had, but again if it wasn’t for moments of clarity and learning about G-D, I wouldn’t have changed as I have. I feel all of these things have been miracles for me, and I hope to someday be worthy of things that G-D has done for me. I have the deepest desire to serve G-D in some capacity, to do something to show my love and gratitude for everything he’s given me, even when I do not feel worthy enough for it all.
Listen, I was never one of those who watched TV healer preacher people ever, people like Benny Hinn and them made me cringe horribly. I didn’t believe miracles worked like that and that everything around us was just a miracle unto itself, but I true to life have seen and felt the power of Hashem myself.
I never prayed for a miracle, I sometimes prayed for the ish/strength to endure, but that was it and G-D has given me so much more. I don’t expect all those reading this to believe me, I wouldn’t expect such blind faith in human words, but you can ask anyone who knows me how bad off I was before today. G-D is truly with me, he lifted my broken body up and gave me life once again and I will never be able to repay this fully.
As I sit here typing this, a deluge of tears is being held back by sheer force of will. I am full of love and joy, gratitude and hope, as well as an ocean of praise, Baruch Hashem!
If this wasn’t a miracle, I don’t know what it is… I haven’t been without pain in my back since I was 17 years old and now at 43, I am pain-free and able to do things I haven’t been able to for a very long time.
The LORD is our God, The LORD is one!