Down but up!

When it rains it really rains… and I’m not talking pennies from heaven. All kidding aside… right now is a period in my life that is insurmountably difficult for me. I am at a point in my health that I’d hoped I could stave off longer. I am down but up! 

My body is not what it once was… What was a Warmachine, training martial arts, fighting vale tudo, hanging in gyms… is barely a child tricycle now. I declared formally and publically my pacifism months ago, so working out was just for health and fitness. From years of hard contact sports, my knees grind bone to bone, from my car accident and Ankylosing Spondylitis my back has progressively gotten worse, my neck is always sore and I am walking with a cane, soon to be a walker and eventually a wheelchair. Thus… I am down…

Through these past high-holy days I feel rejuvenated, returned to a point I’d long forgotten inside of myself. I wake up every day, thankful to Heshem for another day of life, something not everyone can afford. Instead of focusing on what I cannot do anymore, my focus is on music, painting, and art, writing, all of the creative outlets I can turn to still. My focus isn’t n loss, but what I still have, who I still am, what I can still do to contribute to society, something of value. I focus on the love I receive daily from family and friends and on the bright side, soon enough I’ll be able to land some pretty sweet parking. Is it sad that I lose martial arts after 32 years? Sure, but it isn’t the end of the word! 

I have devoted more time to art already, and will soon have pieces of my art here for everyone to enjoy. I’ve been working on my Jewish life, celebrating holidays and such, fully emersed in all things Jewish. Even as I lose my natural mobility, I am happy to be alive, glad to see another day and looking forward to future days.